Far Away From Myself
by loversrebellion
Summary: Rachel follows a path that leads her into Quinn's mysterious world. If anyone thought they knew Quinn. They were for sure wrong. Serialkiller!Quinn. Future warning: Drug abuse, gore, homicide. A/N: Very confusing fic.
1. Destroyed

_-Far Away From Myself-_

_-Chapter 1: The Destroyed-_

_-A Faberry Fanfic-_

_Her bones are stone._

_Her eyes make me shiver._

_I don't oppose to be alone._

_She knows that I am a giver._

"How is that so far?" A question I already had the answer for but kept to myself.

"It is a good beginning, but to me it's too simple."

She answers her eyes focused on the rain pouring outside. Her mind trending on every singled out thought. I can tell she is trying to be the most reasonable critic. By the way her teeth cover over her quivering bottom lip.

"Who is it about anyway?" She asks, leaving her back facing me.

"No one." It was a simple response to a complicated inquiry.

"How can it be about no one? That has no sense."

She was trying to argue with me for no obvious reason. I took notice to it a month before that she had been doing this. For as long as I have known her. It has always seemed that she made something out of nothing for everything.

"Simply it does has sense."

"How can it?"

"It's like drawing a picture for just the fun or heck of it. You aren't thinking about anyone when you are doing it. I was just writing it to write it."

She quieted down for awhile before saying.

"That's dumb. Poems have more effect and are more powerful when there about someone. Other than one that is just written for no apparent reason."

"I wasn't trying to make it powerful. I was just trying to make it good."

"What has gotten into your head. Everyone knows that Rachel Barbra Berry doesn't settle for just good." "Here I will give you some advice, fall in love then try writing the poem again. You will see what I mean."

She had won this argument, fair and square.

"Ok I will be sure to take that advice Quinn."

Maybe you might think that saying her name was unnecessary to add on. But you should she the effect it has when her name to trail away from my mouth and mind.

She finally turns her face for her eyes to meet mine.

"Have you ever fallen in love before?" I ask, with a nervous tongue.

"Well no, I don't think I have."

I examine the way she said that for awhile and all I can get from it is that. The tone shows me that there was a bit a doubt in her. Just a little bit of memory that didn't officially show. The answer was hidden in a comfortable, soothing way. In a blink she saw one image that made her question herself. If there was once one person that she felt complete with. One that she had shared her soul with. She saw that one person in one second then made them disappear. As though she wished she never has to answer that question again. She went to the past and back and gave me a complex answer covered up with believable simple comfort.

Well now I know it's obvious to you how much I observe Quinn without purpose. Without control.

"What about you?" She asks her breath shaking. Her ears opening wider with anticipation.

"Maybe there was one time, but I guess if I don't know for sure. Then no I have never fallen in love with someone."

"Well then, we both still have time to anyway."

"Yeah, um do you want to stay with me?"

"A night?"

"Yes."

"Sure"

She began walking to my bed her knees stopping once they come in contact.

"Am I weird?" She wonders out loud. She stands over me, staring into me.

"No"

She slightly smiles and raises her knees onto the bed. She lays down so slow, and I picture her falling into peaceful crystal water. That washes her worries away, the waves raise up against her skin, and takes away all the negativity. Leaves her looking up into the clouds with a smile on her face. Because she knows that all is alright, all is ok. That's all I picture, all I want. I always to describe how beautiful she is but I never can.

And I wonder silently, am I the one that is weird.


	2. Building

_-Far Away From Myself-_

_-Chapter 2: Building-_

In the middle of a cold still night. Quinn's body touches mine in certain caring ways. Not of a sexual sort. Just in a loving way. I don't even know if she means to. But she does it. She tells me things through her movements. She gives me a sense of security. She always gives off some kind of passionate energy. I feel guarded, protected and other feelings that a human mind can not explain.

Throughout this cold still night, she lays by my side. Her smooth pattern of breathing helps me back to sleep. Where I dream of her.

_~Her short golden hair and hazel eyes guide me through a deserted forest, a forest with oddly one peaceful tree. The leaves are the most perfect shade. The color of orange and yellow dancing with one another. The bark has a light shade of vanilla coffee brown. The roots spread everywhere sort of like they are searching for me. The sky seems like a calm pure river and the clouds coexist with it just right, and I almost cry at this gorgeous sight. I see Quinn leaning against that odd peaceful tree wearing an angelic cream colored dress, with a smile on her face. In this heartbeat she is the sun, she is gravity, and she is the most pure energy to be felt. And she whispers to me "Rach you will have everything you ever wanted. I promise you that."~_

It's the same quote I hear from Quinn in every dream. It's one code I haven't been able to crack. It's mysterious to me, and what is mysterious is alluring.

"Rach?"

"Yes?" I reply with only one eye open focused on her graceful, flawless skin.

"What did you dream about?"

I become fully awake to that question.

"I dreamt about a special forest with one magical tree.

"Is that it?"

"Yes"

"Well what does it mean to you?"

"Maybe that heaven can exist on earth, or maybe it already does you just have ti try to find it somehow."

"Something tells me you are leaving out a lot of details of your dream."

"Because I cannot explain it."

"Do you really believe it is possible Heaven exists on earth then?"

"Yeah possibly."

"But you aren't completely sure."

"No I suppose not."

"Wonder if I told you I can show you heaven?"

"I don't know."

"Would you want me to show you?"

"Maybe but how could you."

"Just say yes and I will show you."

"Yes"

And at the grant of permission I give her, she takes my hand and opens my palm like a blooming flower. Her lips brush across my skin without giving me one glance. One of her hands reach into her pocket in an unfamiliar way, pulling back something unseen by my eyes. While her other hand still holds on to mine. She reveals a secret that is from her pocket. It appears to be two violet pills, equal in size. She puts one in my hand and kept one in hers. She raises it to let it lay on her tongue.

"You do the same" She whispers to me, letting go of my hand. I don't hesitate her gentle command, but it isn't like me. Just to things without question, without knowing. For oblivious reasons I don't know, I just carelessly follow behind. I set the unknown medicine on my tongue. It has no specific taste, no taste at all really. With one nod from her we both swallow. It feels like a routine that I am used to, because it is just so easy. Quickly but at the same time slowly, something took effect, and the world began to change in mysterious ways. Quinn quickly grabs my hand, so wherever we are going, we will go together. Our fingers cross with each others.

I feel the pattern of her hand and finger prints, every little detail rubs across me. The wind blows against my every single nerve.

"Hello my friends, should I recall you two as lovers?"

A voice comes from a close distance.

"No, we are each others souls other than hearts."

Quinn speaks boldly with no fear, there is no fear here.

"Then may I recall you two as soulmates?"

"Yes you may" I whisper.

"Well you shall enter as soulmates my friends and may you enjoy your peace as one."

The one with the enchanting kind voice announces then speaks no more. It is completely quiet afterwards until space opens up to us. It gives us its moons and stars to evolve around us.

"Come on Rach, lets be one."

A random planet stops in front of us, glowing violet. I name it Aero. I can hear Quinn start talking but her mouth isn't moving, just the same as I.

'Aero is a perfect name Rach, let's flourish it.'

We land on Aero, to plant trees and flowers. We make our own crystal moons and diamond suns. A desirable scent starts to roam, making Quinn so much more intoxicating. I wrap my arms around her, capturing her warmth. I rest myself in her heart. It beats a perfect rhythm. It is a song meant for me to hear. I lay against her, she feels like silk. She has flawless skin, a flawless body, a flawless soul. She is a flawless being. Her existence coexists with everything just right.

Our world begins to fade away when she wraps her arms around me too. We are left with plain white nothing surrounding us, and slowly everything comes back to place. My bed, windows, and dressers are all set back into there right place. We are left holding each other in the middle of my room.

"I am all complete." Quinn whispers.

I am speechless though I remain the same.


	3. Reality vs Belief

_~Far Away From Myself~_

_~Chapter 3: Evil Reflecting~_

_~Rachel's POV~_

_ "Quinn give me a break."_

_ "You are already broken enough."_

_ "Leave me alone please."_

_ "You are too lonely."_

_ "Move away from me."_

_ "I am too far."_

_ "Good."_

_ "I know you don't mean this."_

_ "I mean every single part, except when I said I loved you."_

_ "Stop lying to me."_

_ "I'm not Quinn."_

_ "Stop hurting me."_

_ "Then depart from me."_

"But I love you."

"Quinn what's a matter?"

"Why are you leaving me?"

"I am right here I am not leaving you."

"Why don't you love me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't want to depart from you."

"Then don't"

Quinn was having a war, she was killing and reviving within herself. As I stood behind her, her wrists in my hands. She was tearing apart, and I tried to sew her back together. She was stuck in a world that I did not know, that I have never seen, and it frightened me. Her mind was somewhere else, when her body was here with me. It was sudden and frightening.

"Quinn I love you so much, come back." I whisper to the back of her, hoping she can hear me.

"Why does everyone leave me?"

"Who left you Quinn?" I ask, trying to get some attention.

"Lisa, Lisa left me." She breathes out, with a voice full of trembles.

"Do you still love her?"

"No she's dead."

It shocks me so much I lose my pattern of breathing until I feel that I don't know how to anymore. She turns around to face me, her eyes seem like they were designed for suspense. Her hands grasp my shoulders, and she slowly pushes me down to the bed. She stares deep into me as she climbs on top of me. The texture of her hands comes into contact with my face.

"Don't worry I won't let that happen to you." Her voice travels into me, I inhale her and it revives me. She slowly kisses me, filling me with life and unknown desires.

I can't concentrate on anything else, beside her. She is becoming my heaven and my hell tying with one another. This feels natural, it feels too normal.

"Rach I just realized that was our first kiss."

"Yeah, and it should have happened way sooner."

She only smiles, she jerks when I lay my hand on her hip. Which makes her grind into me, making me feel sinful things.

"Quinn please don't do that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

"Do you want me to get off or get you off?"

"Quinn don't talk like that."

She squeezes my hips with a smirk on her face.

"Don't you want to see a different kind a Heaven?"

"Quinn"

"I am sorry, I am trying to resist you but it seems impossible."

"It's the same for me Quinn."

"I've watched you throughout this years, I fantasized our future together. I fantasized about this moment. You know what I did when I thought about you?"

"No"

"I had to touch myself before I went crazy. It turns out I am already crazy. I am insane actually."

"What else do I make you feel?"

She was luring me in with a mysterious glow and dammit I was trying to defy it. She was corrupting me and I knew it but I was beginning not to care.

"Like I have no control."

I lost myself when she said that.

"No Quinn, you have to get off of me, I can't do this."

"Ok"

She listens and moves off of me. Her movements tell me that she is feeling embarrassed. With a blush on her face she apologizes.

"I'm sorry."

"No it's ok, it's not that I don't want to but I don't think I am ready."

"I understand."

"I know and I am grateful for that, thank you."

She nods with a golden smile.

"I know this is personal and you don't have to answer this if you don't want but, what happened to Lisa."

"She was murdered by the man she cheated on me with then he committed suicide a week later."

"Oh my god Quinn."

"It's ok you don't have to show any sympathy honestly I think I need it."

"Ok"

"Rach?"

"Yes"

"Would you like to go on a real date. I mean sense we have been locked up in the house. I think we both need fresh air."

"Yeah of course and I am sure everyone is wondering about us."

"Ha yeah I bet."

I notice that Quinn likes to skip from topic to topic without pauses or wasting time. Even if its something personal or just something simple. But nothing is simple in Quinn's world, and it seems to me that it is the same for me. I analyze everything too deeply, just by the way someone writes on a piece of paper, or the way they eat and sleep. There is always something more complex than what is shown.

Speaking of writing I walk over to my desk and still see my poem laying there still and untouched.

_Her bones are stone._

_Her eyes make me shiver._

_I don't oppose to be alone._

_She knows that I am a giver._

I remember what Quinn said.

'_Poems have more effect and are more powerful when there about someone...'_

'_...fall in love then try writing the poem again. You will see what I mean.'_

I begin thinking more and more about Quinn, molds into the source of my thoughts. No I am not in love with her. I am infinite with her.

_Like a growing flower, she gives off life._

_As existence takes it away from her._

_Bleeding like a used knife._

_Her sights drive into a blur._

No, no, no there is no one to write the way I feel about Quinn, or what this is. There is no way to describe her she is just, Quinn. Quinn is so much that cannot be summed up into just a poem. Not even my heart can tell you, all it can do is just feel it. And feeling it is the most wonderful thing I have ever felt. I feel her. Her and I are infinite. We are soul mates and our souls with be intertwined for the rest of our many afterlives to come. It's just one of those things that people may not understand, and that you cannot explain. But the thing is you don't care if people might think you are crazy or that you can't ever be able to make them see what you mean.

All you know is that, you feel it and it's real. Nothing else will ever be as real as what you feel in that very moment.


	4. Anything Can Be True

_Far Away From Myself_

_Chapter 4: Anything can be true_

I wake up with Quinn attached to me, I turn to see her eyes slowly open, filling with light. I smile for her and peck her on her nose. She wiggles it and smiles back at me.

"Good morning Rach."

"Good morning Quinn."

"Can I speak part of a poem to you. That I just wrote in my head?"

"Sure, that would be great."

She starts speaking soon after I grant her to and I listen to her voice.

"This doesn't change. It remains the same. I rather suffer slowly in your arms then die on my own. The sense that is has to me is, so unique. It sticks to me, sometimes it is so overwhelming. That I cannot breathe, and time just seems like nothing. Not even a tiny crumb, it makes my value numb. Steals my pride but I know I will always want you as my bride. There is nothing wrong with this. There is nothing I cannot fix for us, even if it shatters. I don't mind being vulnerable to you."

"Quinn you're so beautiful."

Her poem steals my soul away, I try to search for something to say back as powerful. But I don't know how maybe I shouldn't think about it. Thinking about it only makes me nervous. If I just go by what I feel rather than what I think maybe I can.

"Quinn, the grip you have, always makes me follow behind. The words that you speak, make me feel compressed into this place where it is a dream and it is pure reality. I can taste, feel and hear colors. The warm colors that come from your presence. Your genuine company, keeps me alive and well. My mind is full with clouds, clouded with you. You are all I see. You are all I want to see. In this unfulfilled world, and I will _never_ let us down. I promise you my heart, my soul, my life. That this love will last forever. You have me for _eternity_."

"Kiss me"

Those two words she demanded were filled with all the passion she could manage to carry. I gave in to her again, and I didn't care how weak I was.

"What are you doing to me?"

She asks me, though she knows I can't answer. It was more like for herself. A question for her to answer.

"What are we doing to each other?"

"Mysterious things."

"Don't you ever leave me."

"I can't, I won't"

My heart is here, but my mind trembles away. The contact from her skin shocks me.

"Darien Slater" I whisper but it doesn't come from from me. I don't know what it is. But the voice is mine, though not from my lungs. Yes it used my breath but it traveled from elsewhere.

"What did you just say Rach?"

"Darien Slater."

"Do you know who that is?"

"No, who is he?"

"He is who murdered Lisa."

"How did I...?"

"I don't know but we need to really get out the house right now."

"Ok"

I follow behind her, her grip on my hand becomes strong. I feel her nerves trembling, her skin warming. While I wonder what I am feeling, because I just don't know. The moment we hit the fresh air outside, she turns me around and stares right into my eyes.

"Rach"

"Yes"

"Our relationship is so complicated..."

"but at the same time so simple." I finish her sentence for her.

"I want to tell you who Lisa and Darien really were."

"Then do it."

"I don't know if it is time."

She doesn't say a word after that and neither do I, we just get in her car. She drives us away, no music is playing. The only sound being heard is the wind, and the ruffling leaves from the trees. The tires rolling through the streets. Quinn's eyes remain so focused on the street, she is still shaking. I want to talk to her, but words don't seem necessary at the moment. I need to let her think about whatever she is thinking about.

"Darien didn't commit suicide. That is nothing close to how he died."

"Then how did he die?"

We stop for a red light, and Quinn sighs deeply to say

"Rach, I..." "killed him."

"What?"

"I killed him Rach. That IS HOW HE DIED. I KILLED HIM!"

"Why?" I try to stay calm for her, because I know she is collapsing.

"HE TRIED TO TAKE LISA AWAY FROM ME, AND GUESS WHAT. HE DID! HE TOOK THE ONLY PERSON I EVER HAD IN THIS WORLD!"

"Quinn, where is Lisa now."

"SHE' GONE!"

"Is she dead Quinn?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" She is sobbing uncontrollably now and the light turns green. But she can't go, she can't go on right now.

"Quinn come here" I open my arms out to her.

She falls into me, broken and lost, I am trying to fix and find her. These things aren't so simple, but I don't mind.

Inside, my heart is pumping as fast as it ever has, my blood stream is speeding throughout me. Outside I am tranquil for her. Car horns honk behind us we just ignore everyone. We ignore everyone. I promised her I would never leave her, and this is where it starts. I know we can work through anything.

She lets me go, I wipe her tears away before she begins driving again and again words disappear into air.

For the rest of the ride, it is quiet enough to actually feel everything. The car pulls into a stop, and I don't know where we are.

"The abuse, the insanity, the deceit, keeps me locked within it. Keeps me famous to the outcast, to the mentally ill. I am lost in the real world, but in my world I am found, in the most terrible of ways. I would be afraid if I were you. I am already terrified of myself."

"Quinn...you know you won't hurt me. So do I."

"It isn't you I am worried about, trust me."


End file.
